Our formation is total and integral: it seeks to bring about human maturity, professional competence and committed faith. (SVD Constitution 503a)
HUMAN MATURITY
Growth towards human maturity occurs in a progressive deepening of self-knowledge, in the unfolding of one’s personal qualities and in the achievement of that inner freedom which makes responsible decisions possible. (SVD Constitutions, 503b)
My formation as a Regent in Christ the King Mission Seminary has been an experience of continuing expanding of horizons. There seems to be new things to learn as another day unfolds. My first semester here opens me to a new world of guiding (as a formator), teaching (as a professor), leading (as elder brother to the seminarians), listening (as spiritual director) and following (as missionary apprentice to the veteran confreres).
More than these things, it also enhanced my skills in communicating and relating with people, not only with those within my community but also with those whom we are working with.
The set-up of Christ the King Mission Seminary has been very unique and a very potent ground for me to really learn a little of every thing that a young missionary has to know. While it is first and foremost a seminary (formation apostolate), it also provides me an avenue to hone my craft in teaching (school apostolate).
Not only that, it also gives me a little know-how on shrine management (very much similar to parish exposure). Added to these exposures is the fact that I am also involve in communications ministry of the Mission Communications Foundations Inc. (media apostolate). So, in Christ the King Mission Seminary there are simply many things to learn from!
As a professor. This second semester, the two subjects being taught by Fr. Rudy Horst, SVD were given to me. I taught Liturgy to the Third Year class every Monday and Wednesday. Also, I taught Church Doctrines to the Fourth Year every Tuesday. When these two subjects were offered to me, I felt so unworthy to teach these subjects, knowing that my predecessor was an authority in these fields. What will I teach? How will I present the subjects to them? What if I will be compared? Ah, these thoughts really bothered my mind.
But on the other hand, a part of me was also playing with delight. It’s a good training for me, I said. And besides, these things would also help me keep my eyes on reading to learn more about the subjects I am teaching.
After all, I always claim that life is widening horizons. Teaching these two big subjects will not only give me the venue to impart knowledge to my students but it will first make me knowledgeable, and that would be a great idea. So, casting my doubts, I accepted the two subjects and I hit two birds in just one stone – I teach and at the same time learn.
Truly, it provided me a platform to learn and to impart. One thing I found out is the fact that I can only teach when I make myself learn first. Teaching is first and foremost learning. I cannot teach if I have not first learned anything. So, I had to spend intimate moments with the books of Theology and Church history to better equip me with the subjects I was teaching.
I was happy with these two subjects because while I learned new insights, I also knew that the subjects I am giving are very church-related. So, they would surely enter into my psyche of “life preparation” for mission.
Aside from Liturgy and Church Doctrines, I am also teaching them Humanities. Ah, I love this subject! I was able to awaken my sleeping talents in directing, filmmaking and stage acting. I thought them commercial endorsement, indie filming and classic literature. We showcased a night of talents and it was well attended.
Teaching Humanities came in very handy for me. It’s a craft I am very closed to. Besides, I have been doing this since high school. I am also all praises for my students since they were also very cooperative and they took every lessons with eagerness to learn. They were excellent learners.
One thing that I really appreciate with teaching is not so much the academic things I learn but the discipline that it created in me out of the many subjects that I teach. I learn to weigh the value of the things that I have to do. I learn to give more priority to studying. Woe to me if I do not study Liturgy and Church Doctrines! These two subjects are both heavy subjects and they really require a lot of reading and research. I always said to myself that I could not afford to go to the classroom unprepared.
Based on my own experience, it is in learning the teachings that makes my own teaching very rewarding. Being disciplined and prepared gave me the assurance that during my teaching, several reactions and questions would be formulated by my students to create a more inter-active atmosphere. I also take comfort that at the end of the lesson, I knew they learned something. I believe it is always the consuelo of being prepared.
As a Regent. As to my ministry as a Regent, I had to accept it – college formands are still very young and many of them are very physically selective. They are very active when the activities to be done are activities that have appeal to them. They are not as active as they eat in the dining hall as they take part in the holy mass. They as not as eager to get up for recreation as they get up for housework. They really need some push and constant attention to keep them moving. Except for some who are really very responsible and very time conscious, some of them have to be awaken up.
Announcement and reminders, I realized, could effect some change but they are not really lasting. Some could not internalize. After some time, they go back to their old ways.
There was this seminarian whom I caught sleeping in other vacant room of the castle during the first semester. I already caught him twice and asked him to write explanation letters. So, every Wednesday, I checked that vacant room and found out he was no longer there.
However, one morning, I noticed that he was not around during the morning prayers. I immediately went to the castle during meditation to check on his “hide out” but he was not there. I thought he might be assigned as outside server.
I checked on the bulletin board but he was not also there.
While passing the M.A. dorm which is only occupied by three master students, it suddenly dawned on me to check also the three other vacant rooms of their dorm. Presto! This seminarian was sleeping in one of the rooms!
I have many experiences where I almost blow out of proportion because they seemed to be very hardheaded and could not understand simple instructions. I always told the TV mass servers, for example, to be ready by 5:30 in the morning. To my big disappointment, I would be waiting for some until six! By the time they come, they would be displaying big smiles and greeting me almost innocently “good morning Frater.”
Irony – I have always wanted to change them and I ended up changing myself. Instead of bursting up in flame, I keep cool and exchange a greeting of another “good morning” – plus a reminder of “next time, maaga na tayo ha.” It has been like that. I do not expect much that they change overnight. They still are in the process of learning how to be early. After all, they are still in their pre-novitiate formation and perhaps I just have to only stretch my patience a little longer on these young candidates. Since then, my days are always good.
I have always seen myself as one who balances the gap between the formator and the college formands. Some of them come to me to share things that they could not share with their direct prefects. They ask me questions and share insights which they could not ask from their respective superiors. They air out their feelings of frustrations, their pains, their struggles – without the feeling of fear of being judged and put into hot seat. This kind of experience with them which usually happens during individual consultation (ratio) has given me an ample avenue to also affirm their deepest feelings.
Not only that, I have also conveyed to them some friendly and formator-ly perspectives of their situations in a way that is not threatening (a thing which they seminarians really feared of). I have learned to be more understanding, more relational and I also learn to see things from their perspective, without losing my own insights.
This was this seminarian who is always avoiding me whenever we see each other in the hallway. I really noticed it from the very beginning because it was very obvious. When he sees me from afar, he would suddenly make a sudden turn and he always does it. He finds it hard to approach me for permissions and sometimes always asks his friend or classmates to accompany him in asking permissions. This attitude really distracted me so much.
So, in our individual talk, I asked him to share his life story and my initial hint about him was right. He has authority hang-up. That is why, he avoids me in the hallway and suddenly making right turns or left turns instead of meeting me in the pathwalks.
Thus, if I only listened to my own irritation, I would be giving so much injustice to him. But our talk made me deal with his concrete life concerns. I have affirmed his feelings but also informed him that this is something that he has to work out.
Talking with seminarians has always been a very rich inspiration for me. It was like hearing once again the hardships I also endured during my time: last minute study, inconsiderate professors, threatening formators, so many activities — I also experienced them — but I also added – I endured these tests in formation.
Hearing their stories does not only provide me an area where I could inspire them being the only one left in my college batch but it also give me a room to dialogue with my own hang-up and reconcile with my shortcomings in my past formation. As they are sharing to me, I see myself in them. As I am talking to them, I see myself talking to myself. As I console them, I also console myself. As I make them understand that these trials are necessary in the formation, I also convinced myself that I have become the person that I am now because of these “necessary evils.”
Ah, it was beautiful! It was also an experience of my own healing and my own change of perspectives. Its alright, its alright…accept these things with open hearts…these things will you make strong.
Assistant to the Formators. My dear team of Prefects were journeying in rough seas the whole year round. We were always criticized from the very beginning of the school year and it did not end at the closing of the first semester. The second semester welcomed us also with big bangs. I might not be directly hit by all the sour accusations of other parties who seemed not happy with our performances but I believed that we were just in our decisions.
It pains me that several people (SVD priests, I might say) entered into the scene without really a deeper view of all that were happening. Most of those “reactives” were one-sided or shall I say, they also wanted to preserve some of their “bets” for formation.
I believe that we have exhausted all possible means of investigating and we had been very serious with our decisions. Those decisions of sending out some seminarians were deliberated day and night, all month long. It was not a judgment formed out of quick inquiry and hurried judgment. Coupled with it are our prayers, our sacrifices and our trust in God that we might be vindicated in the future.
I now understand very well why few SVDs wanted to be formators in Christ the King. As Fr. Glenn Paul Gomez, SVD beautifully puts it, “Christ the King is a unique community. Andyan ang former provincial, former rector, former prefect…and consciously or unconsciously, they think that they are still in power.”
This is a fact. I myself also experienced some old folks who criticized us. It was during lunch when this old prefect came to me and shared that one seminarian suddenly left the altar in his mass at the Blue Sisters. It turned out that this seminarian studied hard until the wee hours of the morning for his comprehensive exams. He was not feeling well when he served at the Sister’s Convent.
So, when he felt like fainting, he went to the sacristy and did not return anymore. It could be more shameful if he lost his consciousness in front of the sisters. Then this former Prefect asked me, “Ano bang klaseng formation mayron kayo? Ano ba yan!”
Deep inside I was hurt. Why did he blame our formation program, which by the way, was handed down to us by them? I also recalled a similar instance during his time and in a form of joke I also told him: “hmmm…Father naman! Nakalimutan nyo na si (name of seminarian) na nag-collapse nang makita ang test questions during comprehensive exams?” I also wanted to add what formation had he given to us during his time but I kept it to myself.
And the Former Prefect was silent. But I knew it hit him. It showed in his face.
Every now and then, we heard of unsolicited feedbacks and criticisms. Some of these are from named sources while others were simply anonymous. Indeed, we could not please everybody.
One thing it teaches me: I learn to live with tensions. (Cfr. SVD Constitutions, 505.4) I only take comfort in the fact there are also some who believed in our capacity and competence as Prefects. There are also SVDs who are on our side and who believed, without asking the details, that what we have unanimously decided were fruit of our moral discernment. God blest them!
Life with the SVD community. Christ the King is also blest with so many priests and brothers from different countries. I would say that my experience here has brought me to the conclusion that it is a very effective training ground for personality development. From the bevy of personalities, I learn to be more flexible than ever.
I remembered many times that whenever new confreres come, they usually had mistaken me for a Chinese. I only gave them a laugh since I am a pure-blooded Pinoy. I am never “pikon.” There are also those newcomers who never dared to talk to me since they could not yet speak the English language (N.B. there are new arrivals in Christ the King who comes to learn English language here before they go to their actual mission area). However, there are always creative means to communicate. I always start it with small things: smile, blessing, little conversations.
Recap. The responsibilities given unto me made me a better person and provided me a wider view of myself. The processes of human maturity I went through were good enough to make me say that human maturity is both a reciprocation of respect, trust and understanding. (Cfr. SVD Constitutions, 503.1) When you give what is due to your job, it will also give its justice to you. It will give you a just return. When I gave due respect, I was also respected. When I gave them my trust, they also gave me their trust. When I understood them, they also understood me.
Seminarians are always keen of their formator’s little deeds of kindness. In Christ the King, I experienced and reciprocated trust, respect and understanding.
In relation with my formators in Christ the King, I wholeheartedly thank them for believing in my capacity, young as I am. The responsibilities given unto me boost my self-esteem and make it healthier. SVD Constitutions 503.3 says “He should be accustomed to self-sacrifice and to bearing failure with patience and courage.” While I precisely learned that, I was also trained to be more flexible in dealing with different personalities and accept them for who and what they are.
I am confronted with this question recently. With my super-duper-hyper-to-the-max busy schedule, I am really disposed to hinder certain mental disturbances to bother me. All of a sudden, in my own silence, I remembered Gollum. He is the weird-looking creature in the Lord of the Rings trilogy who wanted to get the ring from Frodo Baggins of Middle Earth. 
Now, back to Gollum. I remembered him as I was watching the two wallets – the new and the old. Smeagol (Gollum’s name) lived a happy life just like the rest of the hobbits of the Middle Earth. However, he was corrupted by the power of the ring. When he got the ring, he was so engrossed by it that he made it his most “precious” possession. He contemplated on it day and night. He wanted it to be always with him…and it made a monster out of him.
The mission of the Adidas wallet is over now. I am thankful to the services it has given me. I am giving it a good rest after many years of its private service.On the day of my birthday, I opened for the first time the Marithe Francois Girbaud wallet….and I said to myself, “I deserve something better…”
